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I'll let you know how it goes. I'll try, but really I'm focused on not consuming the entire basket. I'm not into self-help. I'm still kind of a mess with Mexican tortilla baskets and am considering the options.
They're the only place to find dozens of urbane types who know about the bread basket. This is just what works for me. This time around, I'm attempting to avoid outright bans: a dish of ice cream at a restaurant is fine, but a gallon in the freezer is not. This was about the time Lindsay Lohan was traipsing around Hollywood with her (first) 30 Days sobriety medallion from Alcoholics Anonymous, which reminded me that there's a sister 12-step program called Overeaters Anonymous (OA).
Cutting carbs wasn't the problem, which nixed Weight Watchers; my wallet couldn't bear a pricey university clinic. Ditto on anything involving whipped cream. Eating 3-0-1 kicks the legs out from under your emotional eating. Every time someone talked about her "imperfect abstinence," I wanted to yell, "Abstinence is really not the word you're going for!
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It's a deeply flawed best option. It's a spiritual component, not a religious component. It's been four years now, and I still periodically go to meetings.
I've come to see the Anonymous programs as a place you go when your problem is more problematic than 12-Step. If it works for you, great. In my turn, I talked about how I've always been this way, dating to toddlerhood, when I was never one to refuse a bottle, drinking until it was forcefully removed. In short order, Bill had a spiritual epiphany, stopped drinking, founded Alcoholics Anonymous, and, in a flash of ecstatic light, wrote down the 12 Steps on a yellow pad.
Carrie called me the next day and summarized the program: Everyone creates a food plan of their choice, and calls or e-mails someone daily with the plan. Carrie passed around copies of the Alcoholics Anonymous handbook, a collection of first-person recovery stories, bound to look like a Bible. Carrie was pretty and perfect, and I wanted to be in her club.
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On those evenings when I still wanted to crawl through the garbage for a cupcake, it became painfully clear that I was reacting to something else, perhaps a boyfriend crisis or a stack of work. One woman talked of eating her sister's frozen wedding cake; another told of a public dinner where she downed three glasses of wine and, oh yes, the entire bread basket. Psychologists wince at OA's nuances, like the word abstinence.
- She looked like she'd never had a weight problem in her life.
- As suggested, I also attended daily meetings, part of the beginner's 90 meetings in 90 days.
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Yet many of my epiphanies had little to do with the OA structures and everything to do with the longtime members, who had an eerily encyclopedic knowledge of exactly how to manage me: One day an alcoholic overeater commented that her periodic kicks of dieting were the equivalent of being a dry drunk, white-knuckling along without addressing the underlying emotional eating. You often blurt out exactly what you need to hear.
No nutritionists or mental-health professionals were ever involved. Not comfort foods, but the ones that make me feel good after I eat them. Numerous, hotly debated studies indicate that 12-step programs are effective for a small minority but not the majority, and that intensive therapy is more worthwhile (though pricier). OA people talk about finding your "home meeting. On my happy days, I had to set an alarm to remember lunch.
Longtime OA members, I later learned, are very thin people who lost their weight extremely slowly on a regimented personal food plan, which, along with meetings, they adhere to like a religion for life. Many weigh out every meal. Marie Claire participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means Marie Claire gets paid commissions on purchases made through our links to retailer sites.
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The program hasn't changed in five decades. The program structure seemed more related to finding God than addressing my problems. The steps are the steps; this is our program. The urban meetings were lighter on religion; one Tuesday in Colorado Springs, I found myself in a thinly veiled Christian prayer group. Then, for exactly 10 minutes, Carrie reflected on the story. They're sort of like Cheers, the place on the corner where everyone knows your name.
And I admitted that I should try (wince) abstinence.And a bulimic 20-something announced that her root problem isn't eating but lying to herself, the "It's OK to do this because I'm having a rough day.
But a few years back, in a rush of book and article deadlines, the above was my life, and I reached the point where I couldn't stop eating. But was food "abstinence" the answer? But what were my options?
Step 3 is [We] made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Step 6 is [We] were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Step 8 is Made a list of all persons we have harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Sticking to this would be my abstinence.
I did not, as members implied, immediately spiral into a godless world of addiction. I dropped 20 pounds, and 80 percent of my crazy cravings disappeared. I felt that this was extreme and cultish and unlikely to solve the underlying problems. I found it impossible not to improve from a daily hour focused on my problem. I met a woman who had happily skipped her own wedding cake. I noted that on the days I went to a meeting, I stayed on my food plan.
And so two years after my OA adventure began, I had a powwow with my journal and decided that I was — sigh — powerless over the exact same foods that have conquered me repeatedly for three decades.And then I would straighten out my act for a few months — before repeating.
It also shines high wattage on your flawed coping skills. It feels like a lack in my blood vessels that can be assuaged only by food. It makes less sense for food," says psychologist Edward Abramson, Ph. It turned out that she hadn't in the 19 years since she joined OA.
We almost never talk about it, but he seems to accept that his girlfriend is fruit loops about food and knows that he can buy either bread or butter but not both. We said another God prayer. What did disappear were periodic cans of frosting intended for friends' cakes — and at one point, my roommate's actual confetti cake.
- "But it's not a therapy of any sort.
- "Groups give people friendship and support so you don't have to be an isolate.
- "I can't imagine that people who eat do too much damage to others.
- "These groups do so well because they hit a core in the American experience — the whole getting-up-and-confessing-your-sins thing that is very strong with Protestantism," he says.
- "We don't try to dilute the message with professional opinions from outside the program.
Though that problem has faded, too, because at the suggestion of someone in an early meeting, I learned the phrase, "No bread, please. Three more women my age arrived, one obese, one a bit chunky, and one quite thin. Twelve-Step has been adopted by facilities like Betty Ford and Hazeldon, as well as the courts. We all have crappy coping mechanisms.
Food is everywhere, and there's freedom in not having to have a tête--tête with your crazy cravings on an hourly basis. Food: Inside Overeaters Anonymous The bread basket, a can of frosting, sprinkles by the spoonful — Arianne Cohen was powerless over her food cravings. Get up and say you're powerless over something? Housewife named Rozanne co-opted the steps for Overeaters Anonymous, swapping alcoholism for overeating and leaving other terms, like "abstinence," in place.
Which, in 7-year-old world, is sort of like a public flogging. Yes, my name is Arianne, and I am conquered by the bread basket. Yet I couldn't swallow the main tenants of the program.
Meetings are rigorously structured, with a stopwatch militarism I imagine helpful to heroin addicts: We read aloud from the Alcoholics Anonymous handbook for exactly 15 minutes, a story about a jailed airline pilot who had flown drunk. Million nonprofit with 4,700 meeting groups nationwide. Most women — and 87 percent are women — permanently ban foods like bread, cake, and pizza because it's easier to take no bites than one bite.
As I struggled to stick to my plan, I wondered whether the program even works, and was not surprised to learn that some psychologists and psychiatrists deeply question 12-step programs. At least four nights a month, I sit on my couch, overtaken with a bodily feeling that I must eat something. Author of the emotional-eating book Body Intelligence.
A 60-year-old doctor commented that stress and little sleep always result in a spinout, so she now knows that the battle is always fought the night before.
Humphreys attributes any success to the positive peer pressure. I adopted many OA habits, beginning with "sharing," because talking about your feelings for three minutes is kind of great. I also stuck to three big meals per day, but not religiously — I prefer to eat according to my body's hunger. I also surprised myself by shacking up with a man whose personal experience with AA makes my life look like Preschool Anonymous. I banned candy, frosting, and bread baskets.
It's not like someone who is addicted to heroin," says Stanford psychiatrist Keith Humphreys. Like many, I am saved by the fact that my crappy coping strategy is invisible. Likely while you're asleep in my bed.
I should've been able to do it without a meeting, but functionally, I didn't. I suddenly understood French waistlines. I tell you this because you are probably conquered by — or addicted to — something, too. I was a little stressed about cramming my 2,200-plus daily calories into three meals, but when she called a few evenings later, Carrie suggested that I list the foods that make me feel peaceful. I was looking to get off the cake, not find Jesus.
My first meeting was held in a church kitchen. My list included heaping plates of stir-fry, healthy melts, and traditional dinners — vegetables, mashed potatoes, casseroles. Naomi Lippel, the managing director of OA, says as much.
- "We essentially have a religious system in place that is not effective, which some people find deeply repugnant, and it's basically immovable.
- "We make 200 eating choices per day, and none of us is going to do it perfectly.
- (Bill's penchant for LSD has since been well-documented.
- (DUI and drug offenders are often mandated.
Sharing is perversely soothing because there's always someone in the room more fucked up than you are. Six of the 12 Steps involve God. So on October 4, 2009 — it's OA-chic to know the exact date — I banned frosting and cupcakes and candy from my life. So she headed to Overeaters Anonymous. Some people get benefits from the group support, but it tends to promote black-or-white, all-or-nothing thinking, which for eating behavior is a mistake.
A struggling obese woman mentioned her work to get off of diet soda, my first awareness that perhaps my all-consuming seltzer habit was a little extreme.Addiction psychologist Stanton Peele, Ph.After we say our good-byes, I'll go home and get ready for bed — or perhaps I'll salve my work stress with a stop at the bakery or celebrate with chocolate-mint ice cream or be thoroughly haunted by a bag of Sprees in a closet two rooms away.
I was outed at age 7, when I couldn't stop myself from eating my first-grade deskmate's Cheez-Its, leading to a classroom-wide acknowledgment that I had eaten Sean's snack. I'd like to think that no one knew, but I'm well aware of my friend with the passion for wine and the one whose weed habit long ago passed social. I'd picked the meeting at random from the online schedule and arrived to find a beautiful, thin, impeccably dressed brunette named Carrie sitting next to a refrigerator.
I chose the most common food plan, 3-0-1 (three healthy meals a day, nothing in between, one day at a time), along with OA's suggested rules: Meals must happen on time (no skipping), have a distinct beginning and end (no grazing), and be healthfully caloric (no dieting). I clicked onto the OA website and fell into a vortex of conquered women: There are close to 100 OA meetings a week in Manhattan alone. I could once again make eye contact with the bodega owner. I did not find God.
And you start to care about the group and what they think, and you want to succeed.
The first month was hellish. The first word of the meeting was "God," in the serenity prayer, followed by a group reading aloud of the 12 Steps. The overarching problem is that OA is a substance-abuse program used for overeaters. The owner of the 24-hour corner bodega stopped making eye contact. The place where everyone knows your name is a little cultish.
- " Each time we wasted 20 minutes reading a story in the book by some 60-year-old male drunk, I wanted to shout, "I think we could find something a little closer to the female eating experience!
- " I found my peers at a lunchtime meeting in midtown Manhattan, their anecdotes familiar, including meltdowns at buffets and active dodging of the date question "So what are your hobbies?
- " I would be thrilled to find a nutrition program with the same low-cost and worldwide access as OA, but structured by self-help experts.
- "But I also think we need some alternatives because many people just don't like it.