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This woman should contact the lawyer and explain what happened and find out what her options are for ratting out this rat. Tipped Way Too Much—Without Knowing It: Any thoughts on this situation? Unsure How To Respond to "I'm Fat" Comments: I work in luxury retail, and many of my clients are older and fuller-figured women. We also offer a range of workshops that give the community an opportunity to share and grow together, and these vary widely in tradition and style.

We are a community of shamans, healers, light beings, and bright hearts living in the greater Washington, DC area including the city, and extending into Maryland, Virginia, and West Virginia as well. We gebruiken cookies om inhoud en advertenties relevanter te maken en je een veiligere ervaring te bieden. What I want to say is "Keep it to yourself, lady! What can I do to prevent this in the future?

I hosted a baby shower for a friend at a restaurant over the weekend, and in the rush to settle the bill at the end of the event, I didn't realize that gratuity had already been added to the initial total. I know it's possible, but the way he told the story made me think she was trying to trick him into knocking her up. I know that calling protective services is bringing out the bazookas, but this mother is physically, verbally, and emotionally abusing her child.

Her: family of lower-middle-class Catholics with poor educations, very conservative and close-minded, with a penchant for saying alarmingly inappropriate things about Jews and other minorities in my presence. His Ex-Wife Lied About Paternity! His health has been getting worse steadily, and he may be confined to a wheelchair in a year. However, it's totally fair for you two to vacation by yourselves, and that's what you want your overseas trip to be.

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My Boyfriend's Mother: I've been dating a wonderful guy for about a year. My daughter has been in the class for two years, this parent is a newcomer, and I don't plan on leaving just because of this parent's behavior. My daughter is in a dance class, and I see the same parent every week waiting for her boyfriend's child. My husband and I got married recently. My mother tells me I should be sure to enjoy these high metabolism years!

So with your generous addition, you were tipping close to 40 percent of the bill. Talking to her family about their comments is completely out of the question for reasons I will not go into (but you can probably guess, given your advice-column experience), and I don't feel it's fair to penalize my own family for being the more tolerant of the two. The Slate Group LLC.

  1. (From what I have read, having one child with autism means having another is five times more likely than normal.
  2. (Read Prudie's Slate columns.
  3. A: For large parties, restaurants usually add an 18 percent tip.
  4. A: I did say he and his family were free to decide to do any number of things, from register an objection, to ignore it, to leave.
  5. A: I doubt this is from your husband since you don't mention your husband has always made it clear your family is a bunch of dumb buffoons.
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    And I think you should also talk to the heads of the school and say that you have seen weeks of alarming behavior from this parent toward her toddler, and you would like their help by either reporting her themselves to the local social services agency or giving you the information to do so.

    You can say you love your brother, but you don't have the financial or emotional resources to take care of him, and you in fact think more energy needs to go into helping him be a productive member of society. You may be exactly on the money, but I'm wondering if your girlfriend is as appalled by her family as you are, or whether there are things about them she abhors as well as things about them she loves.

    I know these feelings are hard on him. I like his parents and have spent quite a lot of time with them in the past year, but I can't imagine traveling with my boyfriend's parents abroad for my only remaining vacation time. I look further, and it's completely obvious (pictures, quotes, etc. I suggested he take a paternity test so that he could put the worry out of his mind. I think most people are reasonable; they just fear what they don't know.

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    When her verbal skills and comprehension are better, when they can do something without her throwing a fit when it's over, etc. When we first started dating, I was introduced to his 4-year-old son, who is autistic. Why shouldn't you express your disapproval in a polite but firm way? Yes, you should speak up.

    • What matters is providing him with the most supportive, loving home possible and forgetting about his DNA.
    • If you are on a personal connection, like at home, you can run an anti-virus scan on your device to make sure it is not infected with malware.
    • He has described his mom as having a "strong personality," meaning that she won't take "no" for an answer, and I have to agree.
    • Next time you see her strike out, go sit next to her and gently say something like, "Believe me, I know 2-year-olds can be exasperating, but really they can't help themselves.
    • Polar: Gee Prudie, you seem REALLY defensive on behalf of Polar's girlfriend's family.

    Maybe she can remind her family that you are Jewish, and it would helpful if they could cut down on the insults. Me: upper-middle-class Jew from a liberal background, highly educated relatives who are very tolerant and level-headed but very proud of their traditions. Meer informatie, zoals over hoe je je instellingen kunt aanpassen, vind je hier:.

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    My parents support him —his own townhouse, car, new clothes, food, medicine, etc. Not because he is going to de-establish paternity (he is not; he plans to continue being a father to the child), but because it lowers the risk of our future children being autistic. Now, my parents are starting to ask me to help out my "poor" brother more, when my own family is already stretched incredibly thin for time/money.

    I think the writer should remember that most people have an innate fear of looking like a bigoted fool in front of complete strangers (especially strangers that might consider them "below them"), and that fear will go a long way in promoting good behavior. I'll see you all another time. If the marriage was a sham in order to gain citizenship under false pretenses, then why shouldn't he get caught?

    They're probably worried about when they're no longer around and are trying to line you up to fill in for them. This profile lists his orientation as "bisexual. This suit shows off how small your waist is. This thought was magnified by the fact that his ex-wife had coerced him into having sex, and they'd only had sex once for her to get pregnant. This was an expensive event, so we're talking about a fairly large total, with the tip total alone now a disproportionate part of that.

    Yes, your boyfriend needs to have better boundaries. You and your girlfriend can talk about strategies to make these visits more comfortable. You can decide to ignore their remarks, challenge them, or explain you can no longer listen to them and leave. You can let your educated, enlightened family make their own decisions about how to respond.

    As she waits with her own 2-½-year-old, I have seen her push the child to the ground for stepping on her purse, whack her in the head after being hit by the child (she then told her, "It's not OK to hit"), put her in time-out for crying (after she yelled at her for being fidgety), etc. Bad Parenting: Is it ever OK to say something to a parent who is mistreating their child? But I also hate keeping this from him. But I would like to know what's going on.

    A: These remarks are the older woman's way of making light of the depredations of time, especially when confronted with a vision of what used to be.

    Als je op de website klikt of op de website navigeert, ga je ermee akkoord dat we op en buiten Facebook informatie verzamelen via cookies. Also—and this might take some time—knowing that so-and-so, who is so great and funny and makes my loved one so happy, is a Jew or a Catholic or a raging liberal can go a long way towards tempering the rhetoric on each side. Although his illness is real, he also spends a lot of time on his social life (out on the weekends, going to bars, etc.

    Polar-Opposite Families: I'm totally in love with a beautiful woman and plan on spending the rest of my days at her side. RE: Polar-Opposite Families: I think the writer should read Pride and Prejudice. Re: Green Card Marriage: The husband's attorney can't tell his wife how to get back at her husband using the legal system.

    Darcy had similar complaints when he first proposed to Miss Elizabeth Bennet. Did I mention that we're both over the age of 30? Did anyone see the Cowboys game? Email Carolyn at, follow her on or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at. Family: I can see why you called Polar a bit snobby, but —what do you do in those situations? Fastly error: unknown domain mobile.

    I agree saying, "Excuse me, but I find that remark offensive" is a good way to go. I also agree when your daughter is able to run to your husband and say, "I love you, Daddy! I am not defending racists and anti-Semites. I can't imagine staying silent while someone makes racist comments in the presence of children or adolescents.

    You need a bunch of reassuring, more or less sincere responses if you want to make the sale. You need to have a talk with your parents about the present and the future.

    If the repulsive comments are confined to the older generation, you can roll your eyes and say to yourself, "And I won't be giving a eulogy at your funeral. In contrast, my wife and I (who live 10 minutes away) are trying very hard to stay afloat in this economy with small children, a house we paid for on our own, cars we paid for on our own, etc. Is there a better way to handle these awkward situations?

    Or let it go until he decides the time is right? Our circles will be held in a variety of venues and will be hosted and co-facilitated by a variety of community members. Our families couldn't be more different!

    A: It's lovely that your boyfriend is close to his parents and that you are sensitive to the fact that his father has a progressive illness that is going to take away some of his independence.

    Response to Bigotry: I disagree with your advice regarding how to handle bigoted comments by family members. See if you can find the comments I made and the questions I asked! Seriously, I found myself in the same situation, coming from a lower-class Catholic family marring a Jewish guy from an upper-middle-class, liberal family. She should consult her own divorce attorney. Should I send him a message on the site: "Hey! Slate is published by The Slate Group, a Graham Holdings Company.

    On weekends he can take her to a park, put her in the sandbox, and he can read the paper and fiddle with his phone while he keeps an eye on her. Online Dating Sites and Sexuality: My very dear, best friend and I have a pretty close relationship: We talk on the phone at least once a day and get coffee/dinner a few times a week. Or let him be the person to read her the bedtime story.

    He loves her dearly, but as we all know, 2-year-olds are a handful, and his patience is limited. He obviously isn't ready to discuss this with me, and I don't want to force a conversation he doesn't want to have. He put it off and off until about a month before we got married and only did it cause I brought it up again. He returned to his native country (where he has a girlfriend) but is planning on coming back to the Unite States.

    A: I'm Jewish, but I thought his letter was dripping with condescension.A: It's great that your husband feels able to talk to you about this, and that you are so understanding.

    The original poster said that his fiancee's family made racist comments in his presence, meaning that they weren't restrained by the presence of an outsider. The site "matched" us, so I peeked at the profile. They do everything for him (laundry, groceries, errands, etc. They have been married almost three years. They'll have to meet sometime, and I'm increasingly worried that it's going to turn ugly once each side figures out where the other stands.

    Fastly error: unknown domain: mobile. For now, suggest that he do things that are easy. For those who missed it, Laura Blumenfeld had a live chat on the "Shaman of Wall Street today, Monday, December 8, 2008. He and I had discussed traveling abroad together for our first trip, and he recently told me that his parents would coincidentally like to travel to the same area and that we could go together. He feels like he's not cut out for parenting.

    I explained to him that feeling this way —like he was not cut out for parenting —does not make him a bad person and that he may find later stages of her development will be easier on him. I feel horrible for having suggested the test in the first place, because my now husband is sad about it, and I also feel guilty for being secretly happy about it. I feel tremendously guilty because I am relieved.

    He was devastated, of course, but took it a lot better than I thought he would. He's very close to his parents, visiting them at least once a month (we live a five-hour drive away) and traveling with them on vacations. Her family is a bunch of dumb, racist buffoons. Her sister is telling her that she should rat him out to the federal government, but she is feeling hurt and used.

    1. " "I do eat —I'm lucky I just burn it up.
    2. " I'm sure you're right that she'll probably verbally strike out at you, but she needs to hear that her behavior is not all right.
    3. " What's actually important, however, is that this boy is still your stepson and will always be your husband's son.
    4. " but obviously that wouldn't go over too well.
    5. A: You pointed out that just by looking at his son, it was obvious he wasn't the father, and you pushed him into take a paternity test. Again, I'm not defending bigots, but maybe you can work on sounding like less of a snob. Als je op de website klikt of op de website navigeert, ga je ermee akkoord dat we op en buiten Facebook informatie verzamelen via cookies.

      Is there any point in contacting the restaurant to see if there's anything they can do, or is that completely tactless? It could be just that as you didn't note the tip had been added, the restaurant didn't see you double-tipped until you left. It's not snobbery to object to bigotry and intolerance. Look how fat I've gotten!

      I find it hard to believe that despite his girlfriend's family's "lower-class" jobs and lack of college education, this guy can't find some common ground with someone there. I found the profile, quite legitimately—no snooping or stalking involved. I got a letter exactly about this a few years ago from a father of a 2-year-old daughter. I have a 30-ish sibling with a health issue that has prevented him from working for the past four years.

      But that wasn't what this letter described. But there was always something that bothered me. But there's nothing tactless about contacting the restaurant and explaining that when you got home, you realized you accidentally double-tipped. But you need to make sure they hear yours that you can't take him on. Columnist Carolyn Hax dishes out advice daily. Could it really be true that his girlfriend's entire uneducated clan spends all their time making bigoted remarks?

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